Post by jonathan on Oct 23, 2010 1:21:19 GMT -5
Jeff Narrating: Previously on, Survivor: Season 146, the all-stars returned to play the game again….yep…they still want attention. This time we are in the beautiful locale of….New Jersey! Due to being…tired of being invited back to do this crap, only 6 returned. Russell Hantz was voted out first cause…well, why would anyone let him do that same old crap again?
*Candice is shown putting holding up a vote with Russell’s name, and giving the middle finger*
Jeff Narrating: Anyway, so uhh….something like 5 people remain I think. Who will be voted out tonight? I…really don’t care anymore…
*Transition to a crowded beach. Colby, Tom, and Nate are sitting in the shelter talking. Random people are sitting on the beach, soaking in the sun rays, and playing volleyball*
Nate: Wow, they…really just can’t afford anything good here anymore, can they? I mean…this is the fortieth season in a row we’ve been in the United States…like, no country will have us anymore?
Colby: Well, what do you expect? Every TV show gets old at a point. Before we used to go to a country and offer them a little bit of money to destroy their land, and interrupt the lives of their locals to make them build challenges for us, and at the end of it all, they finally realized they were getting the raw end of the deal.
Nate: Yeah…I don’t know why Panama fell for that crap so many times.
Colby: Yeah. Sucks we have to do it here at the jersey shore. So should we talk about the vote?
Nate: Yeah alright. (Nate looks at Tom) Tom, why are you so damn quiet?
*Tom stares blankly*
Colby: Tom’s really old now, Nate. He can’t really…speak. But he’ll do what we say, right Tom?
*Tom nods*
Colby: Okay, so I guess Ashley or Candice…Uhhh. Candice?
Nate: You know, I truly don’t even care anymore.
Colby: No one does, alright, let’s make it her.
*Jeff Probst walks over with a cane, and a handheld camera*
Jeff: Alright let’s do this. Uhhh. 2 plus 2.
Colby: 5!
Nate: 4!
*Jeff hands Nate immunity*
Jeff: Colby…like…you really suck now. You REALLY just go downhill each seasons.
*Colby nods. *
Jeff: Alright, well that’s enough of that. Where are these girls anyway?
Nate: Candice and Ashley are playing volleyball with the locals.
Jeff: (Yelling) HEY BLONDIES! GET THE HELL BACK HERE
*Candice and Ashley walk over*
Ashley: (yelling back to some guys by a volleyball net) Don’t worry Chad, we’ll be back in a sec! Just gotta do this stuff!)
Jeff: Alright everyone, it’s time for tribal council.
*Everyone looks at Jeff*
Colby: Where do we go?
Jeff: Uhh…we couldn’t really afford a ‘set’ persay…so…uh. Just sit on the ground, please.
*Everyone sits on the ground*
Jeff: Alrighty then, good stuff. Uhh…I would ask you questions but you know
*Points at watch*
Jeff: Anywho…just write down a name, and just..give me the vote.
*Hands everyone pens, and a post it pad*
Candice: This is really all that you can afford now?
Jeff: YES! Do it.
*Everyone writea a vote, and puts it into Jeffs hand*
*Tom hands Jeff over a small tiki*
Jeff: Ugh, we still have these damn idols. Okay…all votes for Tom are…gonna be ripped up.
*Jeff looks at all the votes*
Jeff: Alright, in a vote of 4 to 1, Candice, you’re out.
*Candice looks at Ashley*
Candice: Really bitch?
Ashley: Sorry, but…ya know…there’s only room for one girl on this island
*A group a women walk in front of the camera with beach equiptment.*
Candice: Alright, well fine then! I’m gonna go take Chad over to the souvenir store then!
Ashley: You wouldn’t dare…
Candice: Oh yes I would…Chad’s gonna get me a souvenir, yes he is. By guys. Do you have to snuff my torch Jeff?
Jeff: What torch?
Candice: Oh right. Okay, bye bitches!
*Candice walks back to the volleyball court*
Ashley: Bitch, stop dressing like you’re young, we all know you’re in your late 40s!
Jeff: Alright, time for you guys to go back to camp!
*Everyone looks around*
Colby: At least the trek is less strenuous than in the outback.
Ashley: Look Jeff, I really gotta go slap a ho, can we just wrap this up here and now? Like…really now.
Jeff: Fine, alright, Nate hand me back immunity.
*Nate hands Jeff back immunity*
Jeff: Okay, well…I’m gonna give this to the first person to say me name.
Ashley: Jeff!
*Jeff tosses Ashley immunity*
Jeff: Alright vote.
*Nate points to Tom when Colby peeks over at him.*
Jeff: Alright, hand then in guys*
*Everyone writes their votes and gives them to Jeff*
Jeff: Alright…
*Tom hands Jeff another idol*
Jeff: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING THESE?
*Tom shrugs*
Jeff: Alright…well…2 votes for Tom are void. So in a vote of 2-0, Nate, you’re out.
Nate: Damn this! Oh well…I won like…three times anyway.
Jeff: Yeah…uhhh. Can you just pick someone to give the final immunity to as well, cause…I really don’t have any other games left.
Nate: Sure, uhhh…Ashley again. Maybe I can get some
Ashley: No, that’s…that’s not gonna happen, but thanks.
*Nate walks off and starts playing in the ocean*
Jeff: Alright Ashley. You now have to vote one of these two out. Don’t even…write it, just say it. Let’s get this thing over already.
*Tom hands Jeff and idol*
Jeff: No! You can’t do that at this point…and where the hell did you get three of those?
*Tom shrugs*
Ashley: Alrighty guys! So…after 146 seasons. We’ve all won at least 4 or 5 times.
Colby: I still haven’t.
Ashley: Really? You’ve played like, sixty times. You haven’t won yet?
Colby: No.
Ashley: Even that season that you were the only one who signed up?
Colby: No Ashley, I haven’t, okay.
Ashley: Oh…well…then I guess I’ll vote Tom off cause he’s won before.
Tom: (angry) Well so have you!
Ashley: Touche. I thought you couldn’t talk.
Tom: Touche.
*Jeff escorts a frail and old Tom away from the rest. He then returns to Ashley and Colby.*
Jeff: Alright guys. Here we are again. Congratulations on the final 2. After twenty two minutes, one of you is about to become a millionaire.
*A camera man comes and whispers into Jeff’s ears.*
Jeff: Oh (laughs). Right I forgot. One of you is about to have your plane ride home paid for…given you fly coach.
Colby: Ooo nice.
Ashley: Weren’t we supposed to have a jury?
Jeff: Oh right! Damn. Uhh…okay. I’ll just decide this one then.
Ashley: But that’s not…
Jeff: Shut up! Now. I’ve thought a lot about this vote, and I’ve decided that after all of these seasons, someone just keeps coming back, and coming back, and while they’ve made it to the end, they just can never seem to win. And really, it’s time they do. So with that said.
*Ashley rolls her eyes, and Colby leans in excited*
Jeff: I win the game! Screw you guys!
*Jeff grabs a ticket from a producer, and runs away laughing down the beach. Colby and Ashley sit silently on the sand.*
Ashley: So….you coming back for season 147?
Colby: Yes.
Ashley: That’s sad.
Colby: I know.
*Ashley gets up, and starts walking away*
Ashley: Now where that bitch at, she best not of taken my Chaddy-poo to that souvenir store.
THE END
*Candice is shown putting holding up a vote with Russell’s name, and giving the middle finger*
Jeff Narrating: Anyway, so uhh….something like 5 people remain I think. Who will be voted out tonight? I…really don’t care anymore…
*Transition to a crowded beach. Colby, Tom, and Nate are sitting in the shelter talking. Random people are sitting on the beach, soaking in the sun rays, and playing volleyball*
Nate: Wow, they…really just can’t afford anything good here anymore, can they? I mean…this is the fortieth season in a row we’ve been in the United States…like, no country will have us anymore?
Colby: Well, what do you expect? Every TV show gets old at a point. Before we used to go to a country and offer them a little bit of money to destroy their land, and interrupt the lives of their locals to make them build challenges for us, and at the end of it all, they finally realized they were getting the raw end of the deal.
Nate: Yeah…I don’t know why Panama fell for that crap so many times.
Colby: Yeah. Sucks we have to do it here at the jersey shore. So should we talk about the vote?
Nate: Yeah alright. (Nate looks at Tom) Tom, why are you so damn quiet?
*Tom stares blankly*
Colby: Tom’s really old now, Nate. He can’t really…speak. But he’ll do what we say, right Tom?
*Tom nods*
Colby: Okay, so I guess Ashley or Candice…Uhhh. Candice?
Nate: You know, I truly don’t even care anymore.
Colby: No one does, alright, let’s make it her.
*Jeff Probst walks over with a cane, and a handheld camera*
Jeff: Alright let’s do this. Uhhh. 2 plus 2.
Colby: 5!
Nate: 4!
*Jeff hands Nate immunity*
Jeff: Colby…like…you really suck now. You REALLY just go downhill each seasons.
*Colby nods. *
Jeff: Alright, well that’s enough of that. Where are these girls anyway?
Nate: Candice and Ashley are playing volleyball with the locals.
Jeff: (Yelling) HEY BLONDIES! GET THE HELL BACK HERE
*Candice and Ashley walk over*
Ashley: (yelling back to some guys by a volleyball net) Don’t worry Chad, we’ll be back in a sec! Just gotta do this stuff!)
Jeff: Alright everyone, it’s time for tribal council.
*Everyone looks at Jeff*
Colby: Where do we go?
Jeff: Uhh…we couldn’t really afford a ‘set’ persay…so…uh. Just sit on the ground, please.
*Everyone sits on the ground*
Jeff: Alrighty then, good stuff. Uhh…I would ask you questions but you know
*Points at watch*
Jeff: Anywho…just write down a name, and just..give me the vote.
*Hands everyone pens, and a post it pad*
Candice: This is really all that you can afford now?
Jeff: YES! Do it.
*Everyone writea a vote, and puts it into Jeffs hand*
*Tom hands Jeff over a small tiki*
Jeff: Ugh, we still have these damn idols. Okay…all votes for Tom are…gonna be ripped up.
*Jeff looks at all the votes*
Jeff: Alright, in a vote of 4 to 1, Candice, you’re out.
*Candice looks at Ashley*
Candice: Really bitch?
Ashley: Sorry, but…ya know…there’s only room for one girl on this island
*A group a women walk in front of the camera with beach equiptment.*
Candice: Alright, well fine then! I’m gonna go take Chad over to the souvenir store then!
Ashley: You wouldn’t dare…
Candice: Oh yes I would…Chad’s gonna get me a souvenir, yes he is. By guys. Do you have to snuff my torch Jeff?
Jeff: What torch?
Candice: Oh right. Okay, bye bitches!
*Candice walks back to the volleyball court*
Ashley: Bitch, stop dressing like you’re young, we all know you’re in your late 40s!
Jeff: Alright, time for you guys to go back to camp!
*Everyone looks around*
Colby: At least the trek is less strenuous than in the outback.
Ashley: Look Jeff, I really gotta go slap a ho, can we just wrap this up here and now? Like…really now.
Jeff: Fine, alright, Nate hand me back immunity.
*Nate hands Jeff back immunity*
Jeff: Okay, well…I’m gonna give this to the first person to say me name.
Ashley: Jeff!
*Jeff tosses Ashley immunity*
Jeff: Alright vote.
*Nate points to Tom when Colby peeks over at him.*
Jeff: Alright, hand then in guys*
*Everyone writes their votes and gives them to Jeff*
Jeff: Alright…
*Tom hands Jeff another idol*
Jeff: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING THESE?
*Tom shrugs*
Jeff: Alright…well…2 votes for Tom are void. So in a vote of 2-0, Nate, you’re out.
Nate: Damn this! Oh well…I won like…three times anyway.
Jeff: Yeah…uhhh. Can you just pick someone to give the final immunity to as well, cause…I really don’t have any other games left.
Nate: Sure, uhhh…Ashley again. Maybe I can get some
Ashley: No, that’s…that’s not gonna happen, but thanks.
*Nate walks off and starts playing in the ocean*
Jeff: Alright Ashley. You now have to vote one of these two out. Don’t even…write it, just say it. Let’s get this thing over already.
*Tom hands Jeff and idol*
Jeff: No! You can’t do that at this point…and where the hell did you get three of those?
*Tom shrugs*
Ashley: Alrighty guys! So…after 146 seasons. We’ve all won at least 4 or 5 times.
Colby: I still haven’t.
Ashley: Really? You’ve played like, sixty times. You haven’t won yet?
Colby: No.
Ashley: Even that season that you were the only one who signed up?
Colby: No Ashley, I haven’t, okay.
Ashley: Oh…well…then I guess I’ll vote Tom off cause he’s won before.
Tom: (angry) Well so have you!
Ashley: Touche. I thought you couldn’t talk.
Tom: Touche.
*Jeff escorts a frail and old Tom away from the rest. He then returns to Ashley and Colby.*
Jeff: Alright guys. Here we are again. Congratulations on the final 2. After twenty two minutes, one of you is about to become a millionaire.
*A camera man comes and whispers into Jeff’s ears.*
Jeff: Oh (laughs). Right I forgot. One of you is about to have your plane ride home paid for…given you fly coach.
Colby: Ooo nice.
Ashley: Weren’t we supposed to have a jury?
Jeff: Oh right! Damn. Uhh…okay. I’ll just decide this one then.
Ashley: But that’s not…
Jeff: Shut up! Now. I’ve thought a lot about this vote, and I’ve decided that after all of these seasons, someone just keeps coming back, and coming back, and while they’ve made it to the end, they just can never seem to win. And really, it’s time they do. So with that said.
*Ashley rolls her eyes, and Colby leans in excited*
Jeff: I win the game! Screw you guys!
*Jeff grabs a ticket from a producer, and runs away laughing down the beach. Colby and Ashley sit silently on the sand.*
Ashley: So….you coming back for season 147?
Colby: Yes.
Ashley: That’s sad.
Colby: I know.
*Ashley gets up, and starts walking away*
Ashley: Now where that bitch at, she best not of taken my Chaddy-poo to that souvenir store.
THE END